Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
