Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Randomize
