god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
