Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize