She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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