i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
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