I am puke
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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