So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
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