We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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