Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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