I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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