It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
