Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
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