I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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