So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
