I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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