that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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