Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I can text with my tongue
I feel like abortions should bother me more
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
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