Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
