Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
