I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
