Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
