We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i would punch a child for taco bell
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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