have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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