well you can't waste a boner
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
its liver damage thursday
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