I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
