Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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