can we get nightvision for the apartment?
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
