i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
