This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
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