Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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