I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
