you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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