While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
