Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
