mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
