is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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