I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
