It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize