The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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