hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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