I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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