What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Randomize
