I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
