You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
