In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
