he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
It's never too late to be topless.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
