Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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