i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize