Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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