its not stalking. its research.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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