i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
we made out on top of his cat.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
