I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
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