did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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