Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Randomize
