I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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