Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
