Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
