yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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