the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
i think i just lost a toe
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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