They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I will be naked everywhere
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
