Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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