his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Randomize
