She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
