The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
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