just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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