I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
