I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize