i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
