Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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