Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
