Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
