I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
