Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
