I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Couch. On fire.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize