its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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