the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
