He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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