is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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