If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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