Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Your penis caused this!
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