remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Randomize
