my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
