Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
