Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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