You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
