I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
