i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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