He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize