he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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