The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
