: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
