I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
