Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
