My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize